I have all these memories and I choose not to remember them. I cannot love the woman I married because she lied, cheated, blackmailed and tore my life apart. I did not have a perfect life but I never expected a perfect life. So I plunge into a darkness that voids out all the joy I found giving all of myself to a life I never experienced. I cannot acknowledge the fact that I liked being married. Perhaps my problem is I afraid that if I dive off that cliff again I know how close the rocks are to the water--maybe I am too aware of the rocks.