No post card envy...

I figured out what my problem has been the last month or two - I still live with my exwife.  I am moving out Thursday and all of a sudden I'm normal again.  Totally normal.  I have a personality that is not some strange immitation of what I think I typically sound like.  I feel happy.  I smile.  When people ask me how I'm doing - I tell the truth, and I think they even believe me!

So I was planning on moving to a land far far away.  Basically, out of the county and at least twenty minutes away from the former wife, but something happened.  I started feeling really sad about leaving Folsom.  I know I have been through some serious stuff there, but every where I look I am only reminded of my bicycle.  Yes, I think I did stuff with my ex wife, but then I rode my bike through there too...and that's all I remember.  Did I go to dinner at Chicago Fire with her, and it was all awkward because she was cheating on me...probably.  But all I remember is being really hungry from the three and a half hours of bike riding I did immediately before the dinner.  In fact, I was so famished that I really think my blood sugar was too low to even store memories.

Okay, so I ended up moving to the next building over.  It's in a totally different condo development and I have zero intention of giving her the address.  And, will never EVER reveal the secret gate code to her! Well, it ended up being a little bit different than I planned it.  So let's get on with this life stuff.  All that divorce/being married business is over and now I can just focus on my daughter and making new memories in a nutritionally depleted state.

Let me live that fantasy...

I turned in my final paperwork and it got real.  I know - how was it not real already?  I have no idea?  I guess I hoped it was all a really bad dream and I would wake up.  In a way I think I am waking up, but now I am finding my life prior to the divorce was the nightmeare.  I think I had to see what was really going on when I dropped that huge packet of paper in the the box.  What was shocking to me was the sadness that came with my submission.  I thought I would be happy or feel free...but it was basically the exact opposite.  

I had kind of started dating and all that business done.  I really am getting divorced and I need to take a significant amount of time to figure out what I really want from life.  You know, besides riding Napa, Mount. Baldy, Santa Barbara, Mount. Diablo and randomly setting out for crazy rides.  I should want more than that, right?

Confession of a Tour de France addict...

I am not watching the 100th Edition of the Tour de France.  I have watched most of le Tour since 2003 and followed it closely since 2000.  This year - nada.  Nothing. Zero minutes of Phil and Paul talking about Chateau blah blah blah and the Romans building this road or that aquaduct.  I am boycotting the race for the maillot jaune because I have watched this race already.  I watched a texan known as The Boss attack in the mountains day after day - and win.  I watched a rider that has never had a chance in hell of winning the tour as a lieutenant tear out and win it all - and then need a "fairness fund." I watched a certain spaniard win every grand tour he entered until he had one stripped away.  Last year I saw Froome tear away from Wiggo and thought that guy could have won the race.  And that race was the race I wanted to watch!

Only now that rider is back without Wiggo on his team and I cannot bear to watch anymore.  It looks so Armstrongesque that there might as well be Jan Ulrich chasing him instead of the 200 or so remaining riders.  At least during Big Tex's rein everyone was doped out of their mind so there was still a race to watch.  Now, only two riders are capable of attacking with super human powers, and it just is unbearable to watch because they are on the same team.  Not obvious at all...

It's sad when the flat stages contain the only real racing in a twenty-one-day bike race.  Hopefully Peter Sagan will pop some more wheelies...

Running...

Running is kind of like riding a bike.  It's just really slow and very hot.  The one thing I've found while crawling down the street and up the hills is there are no distractions.  No cars, pot holes, off camber turns, traffic lights or even other runners.  It's just me and my mind.  It starts to get warm and I think about the last few years of my life without emotional attachment.  Particularly I remember the beginning of my relationship with my wife - which at the time I thought was great - but now I view differently.  I know, EXWIFE!  I'm practicing that one.  It'll take a while...

One thing that stands out when I examine the early years of our life together is a lot of chaos.  Things just were always happening to that girl and eventually they were happening to me as well.  A lot of my not-so-close friends had seemed to cross some kind of invisible line with her.  Hmmmmm...nothing unusual there, right?!?  And then there was the incident of the alledged stalker.  Totally normal.  Followed by her revolving door of lost jobs and non-existent family I should have known to get out.  I was warned by EVERYONE I knew to just drop her - but I stuck around.

Much like my estranged spouse my life has turned full circle again.  I am back in school and now running every day to make sure I sleep every night. While I watch her cycle of distruction begin again I realize I am different.  I keep expecting to fall to pieces but it's not happening.  I'm not even dating to try and distract myself from the truth.  When I look at her now I just feel happy to be out of my marriage (well, two months and twenty days from out) and I know her misery will continue on for someone else now.  Good luck to that poor guy.  Good luck!

Warranty waiting...

Well, all I can say is thank God for spin class.  So it's been a few weeks since the demise of my beloved 2006 Trek and I'm hurting a little bit.  I have been filling the void with spin class followed by weight lifting which is not exactly the same - but probably as close to the real thing as it gets.  The good news is it has been too hot to get a decent workout regardless, so I'm not missing much with the staggering Sacramento heat.  The other good news I found was I managed to get my original proof of purchase from Sierra Cyclesmith!  Got to love a bike shop that knows you just need to ride and still takes care of you when you've left their jurisdiction!

On the subject of bicycles I was shocked to see the aluminum sections of my bike deterorate and eventiually fail while the carbon fibre portions looked brand new.  I always worried the fork or rear triangle would give way when it turned out the be the metal that died.  I think I have converted to carbon now...

I am most definitely going to buy another Trek if they come through on the warranty.  The rumour my mechanic told me is they will either replace the frame with something similar or...give me a carrot to purchase a nicer and better bike.  I'm eyeing the Madone 5.2.  I guess it just depends on what they are willing to knock off and how long I can hold out without riding.

Eulogy for an Old Friend

My frame cracked Saturday. Not just little baby crack - a look down and watch the rear triangle fishtail crack.  My bike sheparded me through some tough times. It took me out and reminded me to breathe when I shut down my business. It carried me across thirty miles at 5 am through the rain, heat and snow when I could not afford car to get to work. It kept me grounded when I was entrenched in post-partum depression. It followed me to California and made sure I never forgot the person I was inside. It also carried me through many more tough times. It was with me when I went to Nevada City on a 125 mile whim and lost five miles from home.

It's last moments were glorious as we pretended to attack three times before casually sprinting to the town limit sign against a much faster rider.  It will be missed as will I sit inside at spin class and devise a plan to find a replacement.

Thank you for the many Saturday mornings we chased through the heat and rain. You will not be easily replaced...